Sunday, October 25, 2009

Flying off the deep end.

People are different: The answer to my question before I pose it.

Yet I wonder - When mohos finally make a decision to seriously stop worrying about church involvement/status and embrace their sexuality, why do some guys remain relatively stable and essentially unchanged individuals, while other guys seem to flit to a polar extreme and indulge in stuff that has nothing specifically to do with being a homosexual; stuff like extreme tattoos and piercings, drug and alcohol abuse, and promiscuity?

Do I think there's anything wrong with getting a tattoo or a piercing? No. Having an occasional drink or dabbling in recreational drugs? Not really. Having sex with someone before any long-term commitment has been established with them? As long as it's safe-sex, again, not really.

Yet there seems to be this stereotypical picture of what a homosexual is: A person that revels in every vice or shady thing permitted in our society. Someone without morals. Someone to keep the kids away from.

When I came out and left the church a couple years ago the only thing that really changed about me was that I started drinking coffee. I didn't (and still don't) drink alcohol because I have far too many relatives who are alcoholics, not because God doesn't want me to drink. I didn't get any piercings or tattoos because I think I'd eventually regret doing it, not because I don't want to defile my "temple". When I started dating I stayed away from the sites that are centered around hook-ups and used I found a wonderful guy there, dated him for a month before we ever got physical, and now we're engaged and have been together for two years going strong.

I don't want to prescribe anything for anyone, let me say that. If you're the type who feels he needs to explore the limits of himself and dabble in everything he was denied when he was an active member in the church, then fine.

I don't think people who do that, though, are doing us any favors in our fight for gay marriage. It perpetuates an unhelpful image that keeps people from relating to us. Nor do I think it's helping the moho fence-sitters who want and really need to embrace their sexuality because they think doing so means they'll turn into a drugged-out slut freak-show.

What do you think?


D-Train said...

I have thought about this as well. Part of me feels like those that go to the extreme are those that come from the extreme LDS families. My immediate and extended family is filled with lapsed Mormons and my parents never had what I would consider overbearing rules.

My observation is that those that seem to go to the extreme, are often those who came from the other extreme. I see it as one more bit of evidence that Mormonism is not doing most gays any favors. It is in fact robbing them of a real life while they are Mormon, and then it sometimes ejects them in such a forceful manner that they end up on the other side of the spectrum, essentially without a life still.

It is sad because from my experience, the level of acceptance of the parents towards their gay child seems to have a positive correlation with someone living what my be termed a "normal life."

That being said, I do enjoy an occasional drink now and fantasize about getting a tattoo. While I love the smell of coffee, I just haven't had any interest in drinking it yet.

Chester said...

I think you're right D-Train.

Coffee: I work at Starbucks because it's one of the only places in Utah I can get insurance benefits for me and my domestic partner.

Plus, I really like coffee. :)

Sean said...

I think DTrain has it all worked out.